The Greatest of These

What is the point of life? I suppose I will never know the answer to this question. Most people spend their entire lives searching for the meaning of life. Many of those individuals often miss the meaning in their searching.

In September my grandfather was admitted to the hospital. Long story short, he was in and out of rehab, no doctor could tell us what was wrong and were often times as frustrated as the family. I painstakingly watched day in and day out as Papa endured many painful tests to help determine the cause of his pain and therefore making it impossible for him to recover.

As said in my last entry, I went home to my husband in Austin after visiting my grandfather because things were looking up for Papa, and we thought that returning home was in his distant future. About a week after arriving home, I was informed that my grandpa had been diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome. (This is a blood disease affecting the bone marrow’s production of blood as well as causes defects in the blood forming cells. MDS ultimately leads to Leukemia.) Because of my grandfather’s age and his unfortunate weakness due to his extended hospital stay, we were told he had about 2-6 months to live. This was the hardest news I have ever had process. The very next day I was called yet again saying that the hospice nurse had visited and let my family know that death was approaching much more quickly than we initially were told, and that the family should return to Lubbock to say our goodbyes immediately.

My husband being the amazing man he is, drove me to Lubbock that night to be with my grandpa. I was surprised to find a very happy and peaceful Papa. Over the week we were overwhelmed with visitors who Papa had touched in his past. He was such an amazing person…people were drawn to his sense of humor and love for music. People showed their love in song: a barbershop quartet graced him with their voices, a dear friend played the mandolin for him, and an amazing pianist shared her musical talents with a CD she recorded. One day after all the musical visitors, Papa looked at me and said, “This has never happened to me before.” I asked what he meant. He responded, "nobody has ever honored me like this before.” No matter how ‘out of it’ we think dying loved ones are, I truly believe they are very much in tune with what is going on around them. Papa was so touched by all the visitors and knew they were honoring him out of their love for him.

I have never felt so connected to a person as I did sitting with my grandpa each day of the final week of his life. I felt as though I wore out the words” I love you.” Each moment it was my goal to let him know I loved him in any way possible. I loved holding his precious hand and letting him know I was next to him. For the first time in years, we as a family were all in the same room together. All the mattered in the world was Papa. That was it. I sat and watched many of my loved ones say their goodbyes and let him know it was okay to go. I have never witnessed anything more beautiful. It was real, unrefined emotions. You never know how much you love a person until you are forced to say goodbye to someone as they leave this world.

As we watched him slowly depart from us, I couldn’t help but be overcome with how much love he was surrounded by…A wonderful wife who he had loved with his whole heart for over 50 years, his children, in-laws, and grandchildren.

I don’t think we will ever truly know what the point of life is, but in my life, I want to make it my personal goal to love everyone with my whole heart and do my best to overuse the words “I love you.” You never know who you are touching in a positive and sometimes negative way. I pray that when it is time for me to leave this world, that I am surrounded by the kind of love Papa was blessed with. He so impacted the world around him. He led our family with strong hands. The point of life my life, is to love all I can. Love is the most important thing life has to offer. Love is the reason death is so difficult…we want so badly to hold on to our loved ones. Death hurts because we will no longer be able to physically and verbally show our love. The awesome thing is, love never leaves us. The memories that love engraves on our hearts can never be taken from us. I thank God for every moment I had with my Papa. I am so lucky to call him my grandpa. I will never forget the last words he said to me, “ I love you too kid.”

In honor of my Papa’s memory, I will choose to love and embrace the world around me.

Three things will last forever-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is LOVE!

1 Corinthians 13:13